Former child bride becomes anti-child marriage campaigner
Despite being married at 13, Poonam, now 21, is leading positive change in her community and is supporting other girls to prevent child marriages.
Poonam, 21, was married when she was just 13 to an older man. From an ethnic Madhesi community in Nepal’s Banke district where child marriage is a common occurrence, Poonam is determined that her marriage will not ruin her life and has fought to continue her education with the hope of becoming a teacher one day, despite her in-laws’ objections.
“I had just become an adolescent when my parents forced me into child marriage. My husband was 17 and a farmer who had not completed his studies. On the other hand, I was a brilliant student studying in grade 5,” explains Poonam.
In Poonam’s community, marriages happen in 2 stages, with a marriage ceremony taking place first, followed sometime later by a ceremony called a gauna, which marks the moment when the bride goes to live with her husband and in-laws. This practice is common in communities where children are married prior to puberty and the gauna often takes place after the child reaches puberty.
In these situations, however, the first ceremony is not an engagement – it is a marriage and can be as difficult to dissolve as any other marriage. Children who have married and are awaiting their Gauna often describe their entire childhood as being altered by the knowledge that they are already married, and the Gauna frequently takes place while they are still far too young for marriage.
Married without consent
“I was married without my consent at 13 with the promise the Gauna would take place after 5-6 years. I am the eldest sibling in my family of 6. My mother is a farmer and my father is a migrant worker. I was afraid of my father and could not convince him not to marry me off at a young age,” Poonam explains.
“Once I was married, I stayed in my home and continued my studies. I used to sew clothes to earn my own money. As a married daughter, I had to tie my hair back and cover it with a shawl. I never liked it. Whenever I went to social gatherings people used to stare and gossip about me as my Gauna had not happened yet.”
My motivation is to teach children from a young age that child marriage is a crime and they should reject any such proposals.
Poonam
An excellent student, Poonam got good grades at school and regularly took part in extracurricular activities at her school, however when she was in grade 8 her husband’s family grew impatient and demanded that the Gauna took place.
“I became stressed and my grades slipped. My neighbours used to talk behind my back and tease me for going to school instead of going to my husband’s home. Unfortunately, my Gauna took place while I was preparing for my grade 9 final exams. There was no one to support me, but I did not give up and finished my exams.”
“I did not want to go to my in-laws but they came to get me. My mother consoled me by saying she would come and get me after my results were published. Then I could be admitted to study at higher education. I stayed for a month at my husband’s home and then went back to my home and joined a college.”
Adolescent clubs supports girls to prevent child marriages
It was around this time that Poonam was invited to join an adolescent club that was set up by Plan International working in partnership with a local NGO. The group equips children and young people with the advocacy skills they need to make a positive change in their communities.
“Now I am president of the club and my life has completely changed. I started to advocate against child marriage. I became confident and my self-esteem increased. I had the opportunity to take part in various activities like training, workshops, and traveling to other districts representing my club. We have been able to stop 4 child marriages in our community. I am proud of myself as an advocate for ending child marriage,” Poonam explains.
Unfortunately, Poonam continued to be on the receiving end of gossip and criticism from her community who did not understand her decision to continue her education instead of settling down with her husband.
“My neighbours warned my parents I would elope with another man, but I never gave any attention to this noises as I am determined to realise my dream and become a teacher. My motivation is to teach children from a young age that child marriage is a crime and they should reject any such proposals.”
Although Poonam is still married and her in-laws have tried to take her to their home on numerous occasions, each time she quickly returns home. “My husband wants me to stop my studies as he and his family cannot afford it so my father has paid my admission fee for grade 12. Since then, I rarely go to my in-laws. They do not care about me and the progress I am making.”
“It has been 8 years since my marriage but I have only spent 2-3 months at my in-laws’ home. I hope I do not have to return to their home again. I want to be free. Child marriage has ruined my childhood, but I will not let it stop me.”
Protection from violence, Youth empowerment, child marriage, girls’ leadership
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