François shared that he has undergone a remarkable transformation after a prolonged period of domestic violence against his partner, Josiane, aged 31. The 39-year-old father of three now stands as a beacon of exemplary fatherhood in his local community, and family, following a disoderly 12-year marriage.
Domestic violence impacting children
François explained that the downward spiral began with his infidelity and frequent arguments with his wife, Josiane. However, François later recognised the negative impact that his lifestyle was having on the future of his family, especially his three children.
“I always used drink beer outside and return home to start fights. My family, including my wife and children, were not my priority, and not my responsibility. They truly missed out on the care from me a father.”
He transformed into a caring father who now prioritises his spouse and children.
“I changed to build a safe home for myself, my wife and my children. I now realise that children grow well with a positive mind when brought up in safe spaces, particularly when they have their parents’ love and time.”
A journey to become a transformed father
François’ transformation started when his village leaders selected him to participate in the REAL (Responsible, Engaged and Loving) Fathers programme, which includes educational sessions promoting positive engagement of male caregivers, healthy masculinities, parenting, and prevention of intimate partner violence.
He shared that his participation led him to realise that he had been an irresponsible and violent father and partner.
“Today, I assist my children with their hygiene, helping them to revise their studies, and wash their clothes so they attend school looking clean and smart. I do all these tasks in collaboration with my wife.”
François calmly sat down with his wife to apologise for his past behaviour. Together, they embarked on a new journey of life full of joy and peace.
In a related manner his wife, Josiane, shares: “My husband and I are living a better life. We make all family decisions together. One such decision was about family planning, where we agreed to have a number of children that we are able to look after.”
Fathers’ transformation across the local communities
François’ story is not unique in the local community. Jean, Theogene and many other participants in the REAL Fathers programme have also undergone significant transformations.
Jean, aged 28, shared that he often used to spend all his income on personal affairs as he wanted. Now, he has also changed and he focuses on properly caring for his family.
“I used to spend all my income on affairs with other women. That has changed now. Everything I do is for my wife and child,” Jean says.
His wife adds, “Presently, we communicate effectively and plan for our family’s future. We have progress, peace, love and essentially everything.”
Similarly, Theogene, aged 29, and his 28-year-old wife, Frida, managed to purchase a flour mill for Rwf 950,000 after Theogene shifted from personal financial planning to seeking his wife’s advice for the sake of the family’s development. To date, the family can save Rwf 42,000 per month from their business.
About REAL Fathers
Responsible, Engaged and Loving (REAL) Fathers is an evidence-based parenting programme that addresses violence against children, parenting, and intimate-partner violence (IPV), in Bugesera, Gatsibo, and Nyaruguru districts in Rwanda. REAL Fathers is implemented by Plan International Rwanda in partnership with Georgetown University under the Gender Transformative Programming for Advancing Care for Children in Adversity project funded by USAID’s Partnerships Plus project through JSI. By increasing fathers’ confidence and role in caregiving for young children, this project strengthens overall nurturing of young children in the family.
A total of 480 young fathers aged 21-30 years, along with their female partners, have participated in the current phase of the project. Designed as a community-based mentoring programme, young fathers are engaged in one-on-one, couples, and group mentorship, supported by a community poster campaign and graduation event to shift norms, attitudes, knowledge, and behavior. The project focuses on seven themes, including Fatherhood, How to be a REAL Father, Family Dreams, Loving My Family, Communication, Family Planning, and Parenting.
The project aims to improve young fathers’ positive engagement in the well-being and development of their children, and their adoption of key nurturing care practices, including responsive caregiving, play, communication, and the use of non-violent discipline.
Moreover, it also promotes strengthened, gender-equal relationships between young fathers and their partners, including enhanced couple communication, prevention of IPV, and positive changes in the gendered distribution of caregiving responsibilities.
“We have had numerous challenges including, domestic violence, children dropping out of schools, children experiencing stunted growth, women being beaten, and in some families, you could find women sleeping outside their homes,” notes Felix, Village Executive Secretary. “The project could have a more profound impact, if it could potentially reach a broader range of families.”
“The project objective is to contribute to building a safe and prosperous family, respecting children’s rights by providing a secure space for them to grow and an opportunity for proper development,” states Eric Rwagasore, the Project Manager.
This product was made possible through the generous support of the American people through the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) under Partnerships Plus cooperative agreement number 7200AA18CA00032, funded September 28, 2018, and implemented by JSI Research and Training Institute, Inc. in partnership with Plan International and Georgetown University. The information provided is not official U.S. Government information and does not represent the views or positions of the U.S. Agency for International Development or the U.S. Government.
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